Solipsism's Painless

(Sung to "Suicide is Painless" (the M*A*S*H theme))

 

Through the upturned glass I see

a modified reality--

which proves pure reason "kant" critique

that beer reveals das ding an sich--

 

Oh solipsism's painless,

it helps to calm the brain since

we must defer our drinking to go teach.

 

Oh virtue was the fleeting thing

Socrates was ever-seeking--

but interspersed with questioning

was his Symposium drinking--

 

'Cause solipsism's painless,

stick the brain in the vat since

we must defer our drinking to go teach.

 

The history of philosophy

is full of sots and lechery--

at APAs I think you'll see

a conduct that's exemplary!

 

For solipsism's painless,

flush Putnam down the drain since

we must defer our drinking to go teach--

It's beer and not conclusions

we must reach. . . .